I run. That’s my coping mechanism. Just ask any girl that I’ve ever lived with, they’ve definitely heard me say something along the lines of “after ___ happening I need to go run.” I run when I’m stressed. I run when I’m anxious. I run when things don’t go my way. I run not only in a physical and literal sense, but I also run from things that scare me. I see my friends being bold in talking to new people, in advancing the Kingdom, in fully surrendering. But I run from those things. I feel unworthy, not good enough, that I could never do those things. So I run.
You might already know this, but in July 2019 I spent two weeks in a refugee settlement in Uganda. I tried so hard to run from not going. I truly didn’t feel equipped. The enemy attacked me every single day while on that trip - telling me I wasn’t good enough to serve. That God couldn’t use Africa as part of my testimony. That I would never be redeemed from feeling unworthy of His love and of an earthly love from those around me.
But you know what, He did it. He used 500 students to braid my hair, call me beautiful despite the mess that I was, and cover me in hugs and hand holds to redeem my heart. To set me free of feeling unworthy. So I returned home feeling fresh. I felt loved. I felt that my life had purpose - to love no matter your story and no matter your past because in that settlement, I felt the greatest love I’ll ever feel this side of heaven.
I came home and felt at peace. I felt peace with never going back to Africa. My work there was done. Oh but God, in all is power and might, sweetly reminded me that I was not finished. One night, I sat in a circle on the floor at my friend’s house. We were having a small group, but not just any small group. The Holy Spirit was so present. We were praying bold prayers, healings were taking place, darkness was coming to light. And God whispered to me, “I’m not done yet.”
Ask any of my prayer warrior friends and they’ll tell you that I struggled with this. Deep in my heart I knew the Lord was calling me back to Africa. But like I’m so good at doing, I ran. I refused to apply. I refused to even think about going back. Again, the enemy was telling me I had no purpose, I was unable to go again because I wasn’t enough.
But I can no longer run. I can’t run from the fact that God isn’t finished. That there are more people to love, more villages that need the gospel, and more grace to give. I can’t run from a calling to advance the gospel, no matter how hard I try.
So I’m going back. Back to the place that made me feel alive. That gave my life purpose. Back to Africa. Yet, I can’t run from the fact that the feeling of purpose I felt in Africa also can’t be felt here in Eastern North Carolina. Because freedom and redemption live here too. Because where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. Because my testimony is one of redemption. I can no longer run from my story, from the goodness of God, or from the places that he is calling me to.
In July 2020, I will be spending two weeks in Zimbabwe with Africa Freedom Mission. I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord will do big things during those two weeks. If you feel led to partner with me to make this trip possible you can visit the link below.
Donation link: https://fcsmnstry.io/mkr/bs7QfF
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If you would like to follow more of Allie’s story you can visit: https://www.allielinkphoto.com. She’s also an excellent photographer!